Sunday, April 27, 2014

I'm so tired...

Sorry I’ve been away for a while, but something exciting has happened in my personal life that’s taken precedence over everything.
About two weeks ago, I had another baby!

With my four-year-old and everything, I’ve been busy.  There have been many late night feedings. One lucky thing that’s coincided with the new addition to the family is that we’re getting free HBO for a couple months, so I’ve been catching up on a few films while I take care of my new daughter.

As I was struggling to feed my tiny infant, I thought, what does the internet need more of?  The answer seemed obvious: reviews of movies that are upwards of nine-years-old by someone who is barely watching them because of sleep deprivation. Hence, this post was born.
Spoilers abound, be forewarned.

Game of Thrones
I haven’t read the books and I’ve never seen any of the episodes, but I kind of know some stuff just from living in culture. I know winter is coming and Peter Dinklage is a guy on the show and Khaleesi is the mother of dragons.
I watched the episode with the Purple Wedding, where that dickish prince who looks like he’s about twelve is poisoned. My overall take-away is that Peter Dinklage is awesome. I would watch him do just about anything, but watching him be Tyrion Lannister is extra awesome.
There are other people on the show, and they did things. I don’t remember what those things were besides dying of poison.
I still want to watch all the episodes and read the books now.

Imagine You and Me
I watched this in two parts, the ending first then the beginning and middle. Anthony Stewart Head is in this and because of my love of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, I had to watch. He’s great. He plays the dad of a woman who’s getting married to Matthew Goode. He does a silly dance that’s quite enjoyable.
At the wedding, she sees the actress who plays Cersei Lannister on Game of Thrones and begins to question her sexuality. This was sort of sweet and mostly sad. Then they played “Happy Together,” and all I could think about was that part in Adaptation where Nicholas Cage chases after his twin.
I’ve never questioned my sexuality, but if I were married to the character Matthew Goode plays in this movie, I find it difficult to believe I’d start. Even though his name is Heck, he still looks exactly like Matthew Goode and he’s incredibly sweet and funny. I was really attracted to him in Stoker, long after it became obvious I shouldn’t have been.  All in all I enjoyed this movie. Highly recommend if you like to see hot guys being devastated, Anthony Head dancing like a gibbon, or sweet, tentative love stories between two lovely women.

Ruby Sparks
This movie is like if that first world problems meme made a film. I can’t imagine that anyone was clambering for the weird faith healer kid who gets beaten to death at the end of There Will Be Blood to become the lead in a romantic comedy, but here he is. Eli Sunday is shirtless and ready for love, so watch out before he drinks YOUR milkshake, ladies! Skip this movie unless you like spending time with an incredibly privileged man who doesn't learn anything about himself.

Seeking a Friend for the End of the World
This movie is billed as a comedy, but it’s the grimmest sort of comedy there is, despite the presence of Steve Carell. You could watch this with the apocalyptic fare that came out last year, like The World’s End and This is the End, but see this one first so the other two can cheer you up before bed.
I had just gotten home from the hospital when I watched this one and was holding my infant in my arms, gazing into her trusting, perfect face, so maybe that’s why the premise punched me in the tear ducts so hard.
The movie is about the earth’s eminent destruction. Everyone knows they are going to die, but there’s nothing to do, so they carry on more or less. Steve Carell’s wife leaves him, he meets a careless young woman played by Kiera Knightly. They go on a road trip. They fall in love. Then the world ends.
And the lesson is that love helps to bring meaning to this strange, fleeting existence and that’s really the best we can hope for. That’s it.
My description sells all this short. There is an amazing performance by Steve Carell that anchors the movie. He’s so good in this that I found myself feeling kind of attracted to him, which is like going into a bar, checking out a cute guy and realizing too late that he’s your friend’s dad. It’s just wrong.  I’m used to thinking of him as Michael Scott and Brick Tambland. He loves lamp, guys. You shouldn’t want to make out with the I Love Lamp guy, but when he whispered in Kiera Knightly’s ear that she was the love of his life, I was sobbing and turned on all at the same time.
It was pretty gross.
The emotional journey of this movie made me feel so much. I highly recommend it.

Pacific Rim
I only caught the last half hour of this. Everyone seemed to be using Bill Paxton’s performance in Aliens as an inspiration. I feel like I should make a “Game over, man!” joke, but I’m still pretty shaken up from thinking about Seeking a Friend for the End of the World.
From what little I saw, Pacific Rim was campier than a John Waters-themed slumber party. It was the good kind of campy, though, with ample doses of Ron Pearlman and that guy from Torchwood. Not Ianto. The slutty one that died the worst death of any character ever. I’ll look it up. 
Burn Gorman! 
How could I forget an actor with the first name “Burn?” I’m very tired, that’s how.
Yes, so despite the fact that Burn Gorman spent most of his life in Great Britain and he does a seamless British accent, he’s the most amazing English stereotype in this movie. I remember him having a monocle and a bowler hat, holding a cup of tea, but I don’t think that’s true. Idris Elba is also in it, which improves any movie by six-hundred percent.
Anyway, I need to see more of this movie to tell if it was actually good or bad, but I can tell you it was loud and brightly colored.

The Five-Year Engagement
Honestly, I didn’t catch much of this movie as I was breast-feeding and eating a ham sandwich at the same time as I was trying to watch it.
Here are some highlights: Jason Segal endures verbal abuse from many different characters. He drives a taco truck. Rhys Ifans plays a shady dude. Emily Blunt is the girl Jason Segal is engaged to. I always confuse her with Olivia Wilde and Olivia Munn. Of the three, one is married to Jim from the Office. Good for her (whichever she may be.)
The most exciting part was when Mindy Kaling was in it. I didn’t know she was going to be in the film and was so happy to see her. Yay, Mindy!


  1. This made me laugh! :)

    For a long while I got "Five Year Engagement" confused with "A Very Long Engagement" and was so confused at my not noticing Steven Segal in a movie that I recalled being about World War I. What can I say? I have a thing and I stick with it. I am not obsessive. I am not obsessive. I am not obsessive.

    I will also add that I love to see you type "my daughter."

    And lastly - you need to see this:

    1. I thought this would make you laugh! I couldn't love Medieval Land Fun Time World more. That was awesome!
      Also, you would be really disappointed if you thought you were getting to see "A Very Long Engagement," and got stuck with "The Five Year Engagement" instead.